Last night I started to watch Robin Hood with Russel Crow.. it was awful and I turned it off and switched to a classic.. Steel Magnolias! Never have I wanted to be a girl from the south so much in my life (untrue. I wanted to be a Louisiana gal when I was in New Orleans fo sho). While watching, I promptly sat up in my bed and cried my eyes out... we're talking ugly crying people. Sally Field does such an amazing job portraying the mother and all the emotions that come with loving and loosing a child...
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I woke up this morning thinking how lucky I am that I have such an amazing mother who I know I can talk to about anything anything, and how different the relationships where between Nina and her mother, Shelby and M'Lynn, and me and my own...
But then I started thinking... and almost no one knows this...
Even though I tell people I don't really like children (which for the most part is true) and that I can't see myself with children (which is almost true..)
Truth time..
I actually really want to have children of my own. I love my mom so much, and not every family is like that. But if I didn't have that kind of relationship with my own children, or they didn't have the kind of friendship I have with my brothers and sisters.. it would kill me. And that's the part where I can't see myself having children.
When you do have kids, you are putting into the world another human whose thoughts and feelings are going to effect everyone else around them.. and you are responsible for how this person is going to react, respond, love, communicate... ect. it's a lot of pressure. What if my kid is an ass? What if he or she is reckless with others emotions?
I know I can "what if" till I am blue in the face, and same goes for positives.. what if I have a child who saves lives of others?
I am just saying it's a lot to have to consider.. and the largest investment you can make. And I am going to from here on out stop talking in definites like "I do not want children" and start to be more honest and answer, "When I know I am ready, then I will"
How do you feel about kids?
John and I have always joked about the personalities and names of our three charming children, but the other day we had a real discussion about it. We both dream of having kids, but when they're 7 or 8 and have these charming little personalities, or when they're 18 and we can be their friend/parents. Right now, we're certainly not ready and frankly not all that interested in having babies. I hope that comes one day, but if it doesn't, I'd also be happy to adopt a little person. It's definitely something we're unsure of, too!
ReplyDeleteI want children but I'm terrified. What if I'm an awful mother? I do think of these things a lot.
ReplyDeleteThat is so awesome that your mom inspires you to have children. I totally want kids. None yet but hoping!
ReplyDeletethis is such a sweet post! I've always thought I wanted to have children..and I do..but the idea scares me SO much..I feel like I definitely have a lot of growing up and maturing to do before I really can picture myself having some.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.. yea the truth comes out! I secretly know that you will be an AMAZING mother someday.. promise me you won't have sea horses or be any family/tradition that isn't for you.. like in the movie "away we go."
ReplyDeleteOh i love the idea of Truth Tuesday. Thank you for such an open, honest post! I have a beautiful little boy, and my husband & I would love more children :) Yet I still have lots of "what if"s come into my mind often...and I always feel pressure to be a good mother & raise my son to be a sweet boy & a good man with morals. But it is such an invigorating pressure that helps me be a better person! :) If/when you chose to become a mother, you'll be overwhelmed with love for your little one & be surprised by how much of raising a child is instinct & it will come to you naturally. You seem like such a sweetheart :)
ReplyDeletePS - i looooooove Steel Magnolias
PPS - I want to see Black Swan, it looks like a great movie! And I have to share this...if you like SNL & Jim Carrey, you will die of laughter watching this SNL clip of Black Swan:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.hulu.com/watch/205721/saturday-night-live-black-swan#s-p2-sr-i1
My husband and watched the whole episode on Hulu.com last night...Bahaha!
I want to see Black Swan so bad :)
ReplyDeletecan you believe i've never seen steel magnolias? i want to see black swan too. and i laughed at your comment because i order the same meal everywhere!!! (not just the places mentioned on my blog).
ReplyDeleteYou arise beauteous in the horizon of the heavens
ReplyDeleteOh living Aten who creates life.
When you shine forth in the Eastern horizon you fill every land with your beauty.
You are so beautiful: you are great; gleaming and high over every land.
Your rays embrace the lands and all you have created;
You are Re and reach out to all your creations, and hold them for your beloved Son.
You are afar, but your rays touch the earth;
Men see you, but know not your ways
thanks...sweet baby!
First, I had to turn off Robin Hood too and I'm so glad to see someone else felt the exact same way.
ReplyDeleteAnd, about your question... I've always wanted kids, but it's more of if I'll ever have the possibility than if I WANT them, ha! So often I feel that time is going by too fast.