A few family members have called in, and have had really amazing and interesting conversations with this woman. She has become a friend of one of my aunts, and continues to be extreamly intuitive with each chat.
She is a psyichic.
But one of them is a question of my restlessness.
It has been a factor in several issues the past few months. And I am starting to see how it plays a role in a lot of different aspects of my life.
For example, the questions, Where do you see yourself in __ years? SO difficult for me to answer. I fee like I am waiting for something? Like, a new place, someone, job, purpose.. there is something that I feel like I am missing. And until I know what that is, or how to get it I keep moving, I keep changing my plans, I keep changing what I want to do, or who I am going to be with.
Now I know what your thinking. I need to find peace from within yes? That's what I have been thinking too. for the past.. ooooo three years or so now. And I have come to peace with so many things. Things I didn't even know I was still hanging on to. I have let a lot of it go. And I really feel that this isn't the case.
Second notion is that because I moved often (love you momma) I have a feeling of restlessness because I am used to adapting to changes, new people, and having to "make it" in a new place. its a great feeling to be able to do that. But even this isn't really hitting home with me.
All good ideas on the root of this feeling, but none really satisfying that answer for me.
A friend of mine asked me why I haven't tried to pray about it. And while this is an awesome question two things came to mind. One, is that I actually have been for some time now, about a year. And I haven't really felt anything in response. My brother who is entering the priesthood has such an awesome trust in his faith (obviously) and I would love to be able to have that. But I find that I'd rather just give thanks for what I have in prayer than to try and find clarity. It feels as though my words, and thoughts are being tossed out into an empty room, and I can just barely make out its echo when it lands there.. I don't feel any comfort, support, or assurance. The second thing, was that with the whole "free will" clause I have never expected a clear cut answer from my prayers. To wake up from a dream with an "ahh ha!" moment and vision of the answer. it doesn't really work that way.. at least not from what I've seen.