Friday, March 25, 2011

Opening Up (2of2)

On March 19th most people are recovering from a long night of acting a fool on St. Patrick's Day. I am Irish all the live long day so besides my proud display of green that's usually as far as I go the past five years.

I also don't go out any longer on this day because it is generally unsafe, and just asking for it. It is kiiiiiind of a lot of an insult to how people view the Irish. its sad because rather than the culture drinking habits being a little quirk and funny ingredient to stories we tell some of the time, its to the extreme of being these fall down fools.. so not the Buckley way folks.


What I am taking a terribly long time to get at here is the biggest reason I don't go out any more, and generally save my time for the following day where I am needed to be in good health and able to stand.

March 19ths day has changed for me over the past five years. it marks the day that I lost a best friend, first love and high school sweetheart. it started as an extremely angry, frustrated and sorrow full day. I decided the first year the day came around again that I'd go be in nature which is something he loved. Since then the day has evolved into fond memorizes, a day to remember lessons learned, tell those that I love, "I love you", and to try and make it positive.

My mom told me when my wonderful Aunt Mary passed that there is NO way she could ever be gone because she touched far too many people in awesome ways that would forever remember her, but more importantly keep sharing her stories (which are guaranteed to make you crack up laughing.. and blush) and by "taking her with".

I decided to do this.. I believe that he is still with me and the people he loved, and because of this I try and take him with me to new and interesting places I think he'd like.. SPIRITUAL ROAD TRIP WHAT UP!!!!

One year it was to Thumb Butte my favorite place when I was little, and where I first heard "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong which is still my favorite song to this day.. I think I was 7yrs old.

that was important to show him that place since I told him about it before...
next it was to the Botanical Gardens which were FILLED with Sunflowers. **the third year was to the top of South Mountain, the forth to the Bryce Thompson Arboretum, and the fifth year (this year) to Sedona.

**this is cool because my Aunt Marys fav flower is the sunflower, which I adopted as MY favorite flower when I was young, and because I associate him with sunflowers as well because knowing this about me he often filled the hood of my car with them...

Here are a few pictures from the trip up north to the land of Red Rocks!

Driving out I listened to a mix cd my friend Sto made for me YEARS ago. It has many "roll your windows down, let your hair get wild, and sing along as loud as you can so you can hear yourself over the wind" songs from people like Cat Stevens and such.

The Red Mountains: Breath taking
The Blue Sky: Beautiful
The fact that I look like a total creeper: Bonus

Bell Mountain had a Vortex.. I had to check it out.. sorry Uhem.. we had to check it out :)

lol this looks like I edited it but it is straight from the iPhone.. job well done little buddy!

I was surrounded all day by towering red giants

About half way into my hike I decided to the trail wasn't "Vortex-y" enough for me and decided to hoof it up what I considered a very steap (surely mountain goat) path a little more than half way up.
I then realized MANY have made this trek up the side and clearly to the right place of "Vortex-y-ness" because there was a gathering of those point of balance towers...

I examined each one... in awwwww. I have never been able to make these.. I have tried, you know sometimes at the beach on those rock piers.. but nah.

I had a seat and took in this incredible view from above
Then I decided.. what the hell right. I could totally make one of those stack thingies!
I mean I am sitting on a VORTEX PEOPLE!

I did!

BEHOLD! (also I am a hot mess)

I trekked it back down the goat path and found myself at Chapel Rock a place I had seen from the road but never actually GONE to.. so we did that too..

Then we sat awhile longer and took in the wind, views and mucho water.

I ended the trip once I felt that I had made the connection I needed to make, had total recall as I have each year on details good bad hilarious and frightening.
made me peace with all of it again.
then hit the road back home.

You know I think half of the therapy in these trips isn't so much the place or anything but at this point I noticed the DRIVE. I love car trips I really do, and it is something we both had in common. Many a trips to know where in those days and they were the absolute best.
It is also becoming more important now that's it is a tradition for me, and it helps me to get out of my head, out of a poor me, poor him, poor this world we live in attitude, and OUT, out there out in the new and out in the fresh air which was his favorite place, his nature place in things and his final place.

This is so old its funny to me now.. its like this "other" me had that life sometimes, but I am lucky a few pictures like this are still around to remind me NOPE same you... and a happy me was what was captured.

My beloved Sto wrote THE most heart breaking and beautiful song about her take, and experiences with the loss (as I heavily depended on her during this time (ok ALL times) of my life for support and love.. something that she has an abundance of.

I hope she doesn't mind that I share her bands site in case any of you would like to hear it. She was so respectful in asking me about it first, and by including me in it. I cry each and every time I hear it, and so does all my family members as well.
Thanks Sto. I love you madly.

~ Happy to have gotten that off my chest thanks !!


  1. What a wonderful blog about a day that wasn't so special when it happened but over the years has become your "special day" to take "T" with you. Loved the pics and the song at the end. Thank you for opening your hearts to your bloggers with a little piece of you.

  2. What an incredible post, darling. You are such an amazing woman, and I know T is glad to be alive in your heart every day.