Thursday, August 25, 2011

Do You Have a Pair?

There have been several times I have lost my way in life, or become stuck. During one of these times a great and wise friend once told me when I was complaining, "For the love! You need a pair..borrow mine and deal with all this!" That friend is who I refer to as Undwerwood. After bursting into laughter when I heard this I realized she was right. Did I not have "a pair"? Where was my gusto? My guts? My courage to take control?

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  ~Dorothy Bernard

 Since then I have given said "pair" back to her and have moved forward in my life always looking towards the new, the happy, and the chance to learn about what is laying ahead of me. True to form I have now been asked a few times by family members or friends what makes me brave?

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.  ~Raymond Lindquist

Geeze.. what a loaded question huh? Mostly I feel humbled by the fact that someone would think that I am... all I know is that each time I step out and just try... I feel like I gain something in return..and more often than not I am reaching the goal out in front of me. Each time I do this I have the courage to do it again and again and again the next time I come face to face with something.

Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.  ~Mary Anne Radmacher

I am so in love with these colors!

Naturally while I was thinking about this subject matter I thought of Beyonce. She is so courageous and really makes it a point to empower woman... and I am feelin it!

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.  ~Winston Churchill

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you're scared.  ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

This could not explain how I feel any better! I was told again Friday night {on my date with the Diamond Back} that I was courageous for moving out to NYC in November. I think that people see my confidence in my choice, and my certainty in my follow through as being without fear. But they couldn't be more wrong. I am defiantly afraid to make this move! I have so much here that I will be missing out on. Really terrific things!

The people in my life are amazing people who I have learned so much from, leaned on, cheered for, and have fought for. I will miss the chances to lounge around and eat gobs of ice cream and chat.. I will miss all of the special events as my friends little boy grows up, and watching her become this amazing momma to him. I am afraid to be in a city that is dangerous, strong and fast moving...what if I can't keep up? I am afraid to start another job, and begin to market myself in a new career. I will miss my friends pregnancy as she starts her own family, and wont be here to help set up her new home... all of the holidays I'll miss with my sister and surrogate families... I am afraid to miss all of these things. But I believe that it is time for me to let go of this part of my life, and move on.

Date Update
Shark has decided that he can't share... and he has also decided that he has become too attached to me in a short period of time when I am leaving in a few months time.
Although he knew we weren't exclusive, and he knew I was moving we continued on knowing that.. I think the reality of it all is catching up to him. And as someone who is 37years old and probably wanting to really start buckling down to find that perfect someone I don't blame him in the least for wanting to cut and save face. I have zero hard feelings and am a smidgen relieved. I was surprised to feel that way.

All along I have struggled myself with dating two people at once..I have been a one-on-one kinda girl for so long. As I started to get to know each of them better I realized, "shoot I like them both!" I sort of dreaded the hypothetical having to "choose one" if one of them ever gave me that ultimatum. I had such positive feelings towards both I thought they were sort of "tied".
But once I got the feeling that Shark was being aloof..I felt a little more at ease that I'd be able to continue to date the Diamond Back the way I am used to dating. One on one. Without distraction, competition, or any comparisons {Try as I might I couldn't help but compare.. I know.. not good}.

I feel much more comfortable now, and at ease with dating just one. Even though I did really enjoy my time spent with Shark, and I am sad that he feels he can't continue to spend time together. However aloof and slightly immature he has been handling his feelings these past few days doesn't seem to really bother me either. I feel ... done. I feel complete with that mini relationship, and I feel really really excited for the one that I have now.

Diamond back is the sweetest. Normally I get a little annoyed and put off by any cheesy remarks, but somehow he pulls them off very well. Mostly because he is a genuine person, and it feels less like a pick up line. We went to a blues bar called the Rhythm Room. He had an absolute blast, and we both had giant goofy smiles the entire time. Was it the amazing band? Or the man roller skate dancing on the dance floor with the hat that said "F*** the Police", or maybe it was the fact that I danced with an adorable old man to "I Feel Good!", and had DBack come and cut in once the slow song came on... mm.. probably all of it!
We hung out and talked on my patio until 3am and then called it a night. Before we said our goodnights he asked me to go to dinner Tuesday night.

Tuesday night was great. Simple, fun, relaxed. Nice. I woke up to a text he had sent saying, "Each time I see you it just seems to get better and better"

Now how could I not have a smile on my face alll day on Wednesday {my day off} even with a shark phone call looming. Yep. I am happy as a clam.

This is pretty much what I did alllll day long yesterday on my day off. It was glorious. I could have brought my car in for an oil change.. but what kind of fun would that have been? I could have cleaned all day and dusted...but what kind of relaxation would that have brought? I could have worked out, gone for a long walk or jog, but how well would that have gone with my chocolate covered pomegranate seeds?

**Did you know there is a Google Search option just for Carrie Underwoods legs?? I can totally see why though. Hot damn her legs are rockin!**

As NYC gets closer I feel a little more nervous. A little more nostalgic about AZ, and a little more excited as all hell! Scary? Yes! Worth it? YES!

My Own

Tell me... Do you Have  a Pair?? No? You can borrow mine!


  1. Good post, I love Beyonce :)

    If you're interested, I have a Shabby Apple giveaway on my blog! I'd love it if you stopped by!

  2. I think courage is doing things that scare you, not the absence of fear. And you have got it in spades.