Thursday, April 7, 2011

To the Moms and Mommas to be

My adorable friend Underwood sent my mom an email with a few questions in reguards to parenting for a class she is taking.

I asked my mom to forward me the email while we were talking the other night about my general lack of direction in life, and my flighty ideals on how I think my life "should" be. (pssst the word "should".. I hate it!) {"Are we shoulding all over ourselves?"-CB S&C}

Her advice as per usual, is wonderful and full of love. She recalled a conversation with a sibling who after watching a tv program asked her if he could be a clown. I loved her responce because it isn't just, "yeah" "sure why not", but encouraged and pointed out the things he is good at that would make him good at his new found goal.
My moms endless support and laughter is one of the many thing I love and find comfort in.
I know I have a few mommy/mommy to be readers out there so I thought I would share those Q/As with you too! They are about the five of us kids, all very honest and definatly from the heart...

Enjoy and don't hesitate to give your 2cents too! You can post or email me your answers to this questions if you are so inspired to, I am loving the way I have opened up to children and the idea of being a maybe momma myself.

1. What are your fondest memories?

My fondest memories are those where I was amazed by their individuality, their
purity and innocence, and the fascinating questions and observations they had. I
was in awe that they were mine, given to me to care for - for as long as they
needed me.

2. What were the biggest challenges in parenting your children?

My biggest challenge is that I was a single parent from the time my oldest was
12 and my youngest 2. Consequently, my decisions had paramount impact on them
and I was deeply aware of this. Secondly, the drug culture tip-toed into the
life of one of my children and I found myself terrified. As noted above, my
decisions, every single one of them was mede with love, and with their 
best interest in my heart.

3. Would you do anything differently if you could go back in time?

I would have left my marriage sooner. Had I done that, the negative impact of
their father would have been much less. However, one cannot do something until
they are Positive it is the right move. I "replayed" that decision over and
over in my mind for years after having left. Each time I came to the answer,
"yes it was the right decision to break up this family." But in my own process
of having to know if it was right for all of us... I let it last years longer
than I should have. I only learned this in retrospect.

4. What are the most important things to teach your children so that they will grow up to be successful in their relationships and chosen career?

I believe that children are amazing, if only we will let them be. It was always
my intention and my prayer, and my purpose to suppot them in whatever endeavor
they even mentioned. Once my young child (3 years old) had watched a TV show
where the circus came to town. Afterward, he came to me and asked me if he
could be a clown when he grew up... I told him, 'Absolutely! you're a funny guy,
you'd be a great clown!" then he asked me if his favorite stuffed bear could be
an elephant... I said, "he certainly can!!" and so, no matter the age, the question, the direction, I supported their ideas  (often knowing it would never happen) but never-ever telling them that. Right
up to planning a financial strategy of getting one of them into a university (I
knew would never happen) but that they were so interested in, I sat and planned
and talked money and effort and scholastic ability and we made a graph and a
list of what was needed. That child did not go to that universtiy, but not
surprisingly, his achievements far surpassed that idea at that time.
Each of my children has taken my breath away with their creativity and their
pursuit of who they are.

Regarding relationships: I taught them to always be honest, becasue once trust
was broken, it is near impossible to ever have that person trust you again, no
matter how sorry you are or how many years you try to prove it... secondly, to
think of others... that although we are each important, helping others and
Loving as we go are our reasons for being here.

5. What advice would you give parents today?

Chill the 'f' out.
Talk to your children; don't just believe what you hear about them. Ask them
directly. Then talk about it. And most importantly, do whatever you do, with
love. whether you speak it, show it, give it in silence...get the message
across. Without love, children are lost.

6. What did they do for their career while they were raising their family (i.e.
full-time homemaker, teacher, policeman, sales, etc.).

I was a single mother who was committed to doing whatever it took to keep
employeed and provide a good home: I was a homeaker always...and I was a
waitress; a school bus driver; I worked front office for an audiologist who took
a chance on me and because of that office experience, I was able to graduate in
salary to law offices; medical facilities; mental health offices; dementia units
in hospitals; to virtually being hospice nurse to my own mother; to medical

offices again.
I am presently a pod manager for a very busy family practice office within a
medical group in chico ca.

Thank you so much!
you are welcome my dear girl. i hope this helps your project in some way :)

love love cathy
My momma dear often pictured with a flower in her hair a year ago or so on her birthday!
via my old non iPhone phone..


  1. There are some real gems of advice in your mother's words. You're one very lucky woman to have a mother like her.

  2. Your mom's advice is wonderful, and Brandi's right-you guys are lucky to have each other! I think my mom's central child raising tenant was "Be Honest", and while it seems simple enough, I've seen how skewed a kid's life view gets when their parents are upfront. Luckily my mama's crazy adventures made a pretty cautious kid, but I'm hoping I can use Grandma's stories when I need to!