Tuesday, June 8, 2010

You Have Some Esplainin' To Do!

My much needed and vague rant:
I feel that in many aspects of my life the people around me feel I owe them explanations for the things I do and say. Its odd that my first answer isn't enough for them and they think I'm hiding the truth. I also feel like should I want to keep something private and my own I have every right to do so.
In this world we all have a million reasons why we make the choices we do. I don't think those reasons often mean anything but rather the choice itself is the meaningful part. So if I am proud of the life I lead, and the choices I've made to get to this place, why does my trust in that falter when I suddenly am asked to explain them?
Especially when it comes to my family. Ahh yes my family. We are a very close bunch that oozes with love and support. My family members are wonderful, different, knee slapping-belly grabbing hilarious, and down right interesting people. I couldn't be more proud of them and we all know we each feel the same. Which is why when a monumental event, or simple sneak away hang outs occur people want to know all about it.
I am grateful to my friends and the fact that I have people who ask the "How'd it go?" question.... but sometimes you feel its more mandatory then genuine. I know when the question is wanting a real answer, and in that case I feel more apt to spill the beans. But I can also tell (and can't we all) when someone just wants that quickie answer to be able to move on. In which case the question was brought up, "Do you give a bullshit answer to a bullshit question? Or does that make the experience less?" How do you explain something you don't want to explain?
In the end of it all and in this new week I vow to not give anything away I don't feel is needed, and to gush over the things I still need help understanding like the prying eyes and presence of those around me begging me to explain my myself...
Why should I?
Dear Universe, God and anything else greater than myself,
I don't understand, please explain.
Thank you. Sincerely. Burns.

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