I blush

Now this post is a bit like rubbing your stomach while patting your head, as none of the pictures have anything to do with the blush worthy story I am about to tell you..

When I lived in Northern Cali I worked at a medical office for six years and became very close to many of the woman who worked there.. I often got that "let me set you up with my.." feel free to choose from the following list:

Nephew

Son

Neighbor

patient

I never felt dateless but apparently other people felt it lol.

I turned down each one, plus I was about to move people common now whats the point in that? (hmm sound familiar? yeah I know)

A year after I graduated from high school I was getting ready to make my big independent move out to Az. On another last night hoopla with my two best friends we went to a party and had a pretty ok time.. silliness was abundant, and music loud.. good times were had.

I started to talk to this one guy though who was pretty cute, when suddenly my friends needed to go! like NOW! well knowing girl code+party drama= I had to leave no matter what

boo.

I decided to F That and to jog back and slightly, ok totes attack this guy a'la quick make out.

when i finally released the poor guy he asked for my number

I know right.. awwww so cute!

 but NO! I am moving. Which I told him

(ps lived under rock and didn't get cell until I moved to Az and had to)

I ran back to meet up with my girlies and decided that as the sun was coming up it was only right that we go eat breakfast and just stay out the entire night.. which was a good call.. 4am pancakes are always the right choice.

The next day I had another good by meeting at a co worker and friends house with my mom, friend and ex boss Elle my soon to be sister in law and a few other office friends.

I share everything with my mom.. especially when she is eye balling me arrive home in last night clothes at 6am bright eyed and bushy tailed (as she says-yeah she is adorable) so she knew the details of the night and gave me a wink of a "thata girl" approval.

The little gathering was nice. Margaritas (sure I was only 19 but it was fine) too many slightly hung over cigarettes ( I know I quite already :) and shower was pretty much my chilled standing at this point.

Son though my frosty drink bliss and smokers calm  was frazzled when I saw cute guys picture on the mantel..

this was our hosts son.. awesome

the son who would be home soon.. bonus

the son in which my mother could NOT wait to meet.. score.

after many failed threats to poke my mothers eyes out, both left and right she called him over when he got home and introduced us all the while giggling, smiling with her little rosy cocktails cheeks and making those giant eyes at Elle.. who was also already filled in at this point and Love.ing.it.

I hid behind my frosty glass for as long as I could, but finally had to fess up but luckily he played along, "its nice to meet you" he said but fml he dropped the act when my mom went for more berries and nuts (my mom snacks like a tree squirrel.. a cute one fo sho tho) and had to ask if I in fact :

was at the party last night?

(my shame full head nod said yes..)

and I am moving this weekend?

(more nods)

OH YOUR Cathys daughter

(F.. yes more nods...)

it was pretty much left at that. and folks it aint over.

a wedding in northern cali has me thinking I might want a date for the night. I mean sure why not. When I told my mom and Elle I might bring Mr. X up with me since we are still good friends, and he is a lot of fun...

the plot to contact the host and have her have HIM take me was hatched..

my fb inbox tells me the call has been made..

ladies please join me in now holding your breath..

-creeper cat staking me in my car.. dude!

ELLOoo!

thanks to my bombtastic iPhone

 SPRING IS HERE!!

and in Az it will only last a week so look alive people!!

This weekend is going to be packed with funness.. yes.. fun..ness.

First of all each morning I wake up to these beautiful flowers I bought for meself makes me oh so happy! That's step one of course

the rest of the steps I hope will fall into place as I bake (more? I know!)

 hold babies,

get some moola,

await my license (yes finally stopped being a chicken shit and sent in for it)

plans birthday surprises ;)

redecorate

plan my escape

and slumber in fresh sheets while I catch up on my Bewicthed NetFlix arrivals.

Yeah about that.

I am suddenly (ok not so sudden but more than usual) obsessed with black and white tv.

it started with Seasons one and two of I Love Lucy.. which did me proud.. but you start to kinda get the point after the second season not that it ever stopped me from laughing so loud I woke up my sleeping cat.

But now I am onto NetFlixing Bewitched and I LOVE it. Although I am sad for the poor woman across the street.. oh Ms. Abbott will you always think your nuts?

I am also finding the way the marriages used to work back then appealing. Don't get me wrong I am all about the r.e.s.p.e.c.t, and equal partnerships. But there was something about it that was just.. simple. and nice. like.. I'd love to stay home clean like the dickens make a BOMB meal and by dresses, and serve on "Woman's committees" what the hell did they do on those? I don't know but I think I would give them a run for their money is all I am sayin.

Yeah I know.. fun for a week.. maybe a month. But then I'd get bored.. and more like Lucy and cause a fuss about any 'ol thing..

ALSO

I have been so busy its down right wrong at this point. I have heard myself say "sure why not" more than I'd care to in any span of time.

Which results in more sloppy hair days..

Exhibit A:

but also I need to messy to hide the GRAY! Yes I have found FOUR more Silver hairs this week.. I think its my work giving them to me.. BLAST YOU! Can my hair coloring be a workmans comp kinda deal? please?

Exhibit B:

Alright peeps expect mucho baking posts on Sunday.. or Monday.. like late Monday.. hey man just trying to keep it real

(And one more thing: I am about half way thru the blogs I need to read up on WOOOOW there was a lot I missed and took me a good three hours to catch up on the first half.. why are there so many interesting and hilarious cant miss posts out there! Slack off guys your killing me!)

;)

Opening Up (2of2)

On March 19th most people are recovering from a long night of acting a fool on St. Patrick's Day. I am Irish all the live long day so besides my proud display of green that's usually as far as I go the past five years.

where else

I also don't go out any longer on this day because it is generally unsafe, and just asking for it. It is kiiiiiind of a lot of an insult to how people view the Irish. its sad because rather than the culture drinking habits being a little quirk and funny ingredient to stories we tell some of the time, its to the extreme of being these fall down fools.. so not the Buckley way folks.

ANYWAYS.

What I am taking a terribly long time to get at here is the biggest reason I don't go out any more, and generally save my time for the following day where I am needed to be in good health and able to stand.

March 19ths day has changed for me over the past five years. it marks the day that I lost a best friend, first love and high school sweetheart. it started as an extremely angry, frustrated and sorrow full day. I decided the first year the day came around again that I'd go be in nature which is something he loved. Since then the day has evolved into fond memorizes, a day to remember lessons learned, tell those that I love, "I love you", and to try and make it positive.

My mom told me when my wonderful Aunt Mary passed that there is NO way she could ever be gone because she touched far too many people in awesome ways that would forever remember her, but more importantly keep sharing her stories (which are guaranteed to make you crack up laughing.. and blush) and by "taking her with".

I decided to do this.. I believe that he is still with me and the people he loved, and because of this I try and take him with me to new and interesting places I think he'd like.. SPIRITUAL ROAD TRIP WHAT UP!!!!

One year it was to Thumb Butte my favorite place when I was little, and where I first heard "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong which is still my favorite song to this day.. I think I was 7yrs old.

that was important to show him that place since I told him about it before...
next it was to the Botanical Gardens which were FILLED with Sunflowers. **the third year was to the top of South Mountain, the forth to the Bryce Thompson Arboretum, and the fifth year (this year) to Sedona.

**this is cool because my Aunt Marys fav flower is the sunflower, which I adopted as MY favorite flower when I was young, and because I associate him with sunflowers as well because knowing this about me he often filled the hood of my car with them...


Here are a few pictures from the trip up north to the land of Red Rocks!

Driving out I listened to a mix cd my friend Sto made for me YEARS ago. It has many "roll your windows down, let your hair get wild, and sing along as loud as you can so you can hear yourself over the wind" songs from people like Cat Stevens and such.

The Red Mountains: Breath taking

The Blue Sky: Beautiful

The fact that I look like a total creeper: Bonus

Bell Mountain had a Vortex.. I had to check it out.. sorry Uhem.. we had to check it out :)

lol this looks like I edited it but it is straight from the iPhone.. job well done little buddy!

I was surrounded all day by towering red giants

About half way into my hike I decided to the trail wasn't "Vortex-y" enough for me and decided to hoof it up what I considered a very steap (surely mountain goat) path a little more than half way up.

I then realized MANY have made this trek up the side and clearly to the right place of "Vortex-y-ness" because there was a gathering of those point of balance towers...

I examined each one... in awwwww. I have never been able to make these.. I have tried, you know sometimes at the beach on those rock piers.. but nah.

I had a seat and took in this incredible view from above

Then I decided.. what the hell right. I could totally make one of those stack thingies!

I mean I am sitting on a VORTEX PEOPLE!

then..

I did!

BEHOLD! (also I am a hot mess)

I trekked it back down the goat path and found myself at Chapel Rock a place I had seen from the road but never actually GONE to.. so we did that too..

Then we sat awhile longer and took in the wind, views and mucho water.

I ended the trip once I felt that I had made the connection I needed to make, had total recall as I have each year on details good bad hilarious and frightening.

made me peace with all of it again.

then hit the road back home.

You know I think half of the therapy in these trips isn't so much the place or anything but at this point I noticed the DRIVE. I love car trips I really do, and it is something we both had in common. Many a trips to know where in those days and they were the absolute best.

It is also becoming more important now that's it is a tradition for me, and it helps me to get out of my head, out of a poor me, poor him, poor this world we live in attitude, and OUT, out there out in the new and out in the fresh air which was his favorite place, his nature place in things and his final place.

from here

This is so old its funny to me now.. its like this "other" me had that life sometimes, but I am lucky a few pictures like this are still around to remind me NOPE same you... and a happy me was what was captured.

My beloved Sto wrote THE most heart breaking and beautiful song about her take, and experiences with the loss (as I heavily depended on her during this time (ok ALL times) of my life for support and love.. something that she has an abundance of.

I hope she doesn't mind that I share her bands site in case any of you would like to hear it. She was so respectful in asking me about it first, and by including me in it. I cry each and every time I hear it, and so does all my family members as well.

Thanks Sto. I love you madly.

hotmesslovesyou.com

~ Happy to have gotten that off my chest thanks !!