Mis Step

Ladies (and to you, my one gent) I find myself in a new and some what difficult situation in the romantic sense. The last thing I want to do is spout off any "boy trouble" on my blog. That inspires no one. period.

And truth be told I have been in worst situations. Example: When you hear yourself tell your friends "It sounds worst than it is.. I can't really explain." Even you start to roll your eyes in disbelief.

I still feel like I'm in pickle.

I know three things to be true about my current situation.

Fact 1:    I'm "in my head" a lot more than I usually am

Fact 2:   I am watching many Sex and the City episodes between Netflix arrivals as a way to research dating advise (yes...I consider it to be both vital and factual research)

Fact 3:  Because of Fact 2, my inner monologue is sounding more and more like her articles.., and your sure to see my blog starting with statements like, "I had a thought..." and ending with "Could it be..."

So I am going to open this question thats been tumbling around in side my head  to you...

Have you ever waited for something/someone, crossing your fingers that your gut is right and it will all be worth it?

Tuesday Truth Day

On Sunday morning I went to go see Black Swan (which I love). But the relationship between the mother and daughter sorta hung out and haunted me the rest of the day...

Last night I started to watch Robin Hood with Russel Crow.. it was awful and I turned it off  and switched to a classic.. Steel Magnolias! Never have I wanted to be a girl from the south so much in my life (untrue. I wanted to be a Louisiana gal when I was in New Orleans fo sho).  While watching, I promptly sat up in my bed and cried my eyes out... we're talking ugly crying people. Sally Field does such an amazing job portraying the mother and all the emotions that come with loving and loosing a child...

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I woke up this morning thinking how lucky I am that I have such an amazing mother who I know I can talk to about anything anything, and how different the relationships where between Nina and her mother, Shelby and M'Lynn, and me and my own...

But then I started thinking... and almost no one knows this...

Even though I tell people I don't really like children (which for the most part is true) and that I can't see myself with children (which is almost true..)

 Truth time..

I actually really want to have children of my own. I love my mom so much, and not every family is like that. But if I didn't have that kind of relationship with my own children, or they didn't have the kind of friendship I have with my brothers and sisters.. it would kill me. And that's the part where I can't see myself having children.

When you do have kids, you are putting into the world another human whose thoughts and feelings are going to effect everyone else around them.. and you are responsible for how this person is going to react, respond, love, communicate... ect. it's a lot of pressure. What if my kid is an ass? What if he or she is reckless with others emotions?

 I know I can "what if" till I am blue in the face, and same goes for positives.. what if I have a child who saves lives of others?

I am just saying it's a lot to have to consider.. and the largest investment you can make. And I am going to from here on out stop talking in definites like "I do not want children" and start to be more honest and answer, "When I know I am ready, then I will"

How do you feel about kids?

All images found off Google

ray of light...

Photos from SMP

Lately, I have been feeling very uneasy about some issues that have come to my attention. They belong to family members who I love and adore, and am fiercely protective of. Naturally, it has put me in a funk.

Combine this with the uneasy feeling I have from events occurring all over Arizona this past week (One mall shooting and hostage situation 1/5, and the shooting at a political rally 1/8) and I pretty much didn't want to leave the BCave at all this weekend!

The world can be a scary place no doubt, and good vs. evil is the "Ying and Yang" of life... but I have a difficult time forgiving those who are so wreckless with others lives. Whether it hit close to home and effects one of my sisters or friends, or whether I am seeing it effect the lives of strangers on the local news.. I have a low low tolerance for it.

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That being said, my mother posted (yes my mom is both on facebook and blogger!) an amazing post the other day about her process of the information and I think it is so perfect. If you care to read it, you can find her here. 

Oddly enough I had a very illuminating conversation with my brother about forgiveness. I have previously taken a some what childish approach to it and have been withholding it as to not encourage that type of behavior. He rather convincingly explained that forgiveness is misunderstood in that you don't become blind to who that person is and what they are capable of. In other words, forgiveness doesn't earn trust. "Bridgette.." he tells me, "...you don't earn forgiveness... you forgive someone so they can grow closer to God and release yourself from hate in your heart and grow closer yourself. It is because it isn't earned, or necessarily owed that gives forgiveness the grace and power it has." He told me when he was told, "Show me your friends, and I'll show you who you are". I had a hard time with this jem because I feel that all my friends are so different and wonderful and faulted in different ways.. how could I be all of them? But, we went on to discuss how important it is to be around people who encourage the positive in your life, and who are examples of that themselves. This I can get on board with!

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Sooo. BIG breath in. I am trying to keep this in mind and release what isn't mine to hold onto, and focus on the things that bring me joy.

So far this morning it has been the blogs I follow, and my amazing follower/readers, beautiful shoes, end of winter sales (which I still can't afford lol) and my internal play list consisting of Devotchka and Enya...

OH! and this dress.. because.. common who wouldn't want to strut around in this all Maid Marian style?