I Suggest You Do.

The power of suggestion isn't new to anyone. But I never knew just what kind of power it has over me, before today. It starts like anything else, with an idea. Any 'ol idea will do. It doesn't have to big or mean anything (although with me it usually does). The idea will morph if you will, into said suggestion.

A suggestion alone isn't much else but a hint of something I can toy with with my endless and creative rantings (such as this). It will shape shift into more then just a suggestion, more or less bewitching me into a world that doesn't even exist. (Have I lost you yet)

I have been pretty happy with myself and my creating Bucket Lists, travel plans, charts, cost of living budgets, and pie charts, all to map out my "haphazard" and "open" lifestyle that lies ahead. It's common that I find myself patting my own back and singing my self-proclaimed anthem written by the almighty Beatles and sung by Fiona Apple (a woman's voice which constantly breaks my heart) "Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup. they slither while they pass. they slip away. across the universe. pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting thru my open mind. possessing and caressing me.....Nothins gonna change my world. Nothins gonna change my world. Nothins gonna change my world. Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes. they call me. on and on. across the universe. thoughts may enter. like a restless wind inside a lighter box. they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe....Nothins gonna change my world. Nothins gonna change my world. Nothins gonna change my world..."

But really, is that so true? I'll save you the suspense, nope. It's that foolish little suggestion that whips me into an analytical frenzy. I play out each little scenario and watch it go waaaaay down the different roads. I can see it all in scary detail, the stops along the way, bumps, laughs, jokes, lessons. Once my "options" are clear I start to ask myself questions like "Which would be best?" "What is most likely?" And for some reason the last one I ask is, "Which one do I want?" It is a dangerous little game that I play. Flooding inboxes of those whom I love with an abundance of emails going on and on. Luckily I keep good company and they recognize the trance I am in, and they humor me and respond to each and every quandary(thank you).

So now that I know the effects the power of suggestion has on me, can I change? Can I stop obsessing about the details each new idea and opportunity presents? I sure as hell am going to try. Because here is the thing, eight out of ten times I choose the scenario that isn't really want I want, or even the best one. It is the one road I didn't mean to take, or even knew existed. Sad right? I know, I was distressed a little too when I found this out. But have no fear, the gift of retrospect is here. Although I'd love to think that I am...well as she puts it, "I certainly haven't been shoppin for any new shoes, and I certainly haven't been spreadin myself around. I still only travel by foot, and by foot it is a slow climb. But I'm good at being uncomfortable so I can't stop changing all the time. .. . If there was a better way to go then it would find me. I can't help it the road just rolls out behind me. Be kind me. or treat me mean. I'll make the most of it I'm an extraordinary machine." I will adapt, heal, and grow from whatever road I choose for whatever reasons. It is an odd thing to think you have laid down some serious ground work for how you think your life should go. The jobs, the holidays, school, moves and the people you will be spending it with... then boom! You get an idea in yor head and the wheels start a' turnin. Now my little life map, and pie chart needs some alterations. I have always joked I am the target audience. I want the 'Rock 'N Chop" knife, a flat iron that heals dead ends and the George Forman Grill. I haven't really bought any of those ideas though, so why is it so easy for me to buy anyone elses? I don't have to buy a kitchen knife to know its a bad idea. Anyone close to me knows that that would go unused and would get filed away under "bad idea", "impulse buy", or "show off". What I need and what I suggest you do, is to buy into your own ideas, whole heartedly. Don't be afraid of change because to adapt is to survive. Just don't go down the rabbit hole of the many different possibilities this change could bring and it consume you with those nagging thoughts. Instead ask yourself first, what do you want?

***Side bar***

To not mention the dreaming puppy under my feet, is to rob you of really understanding my writing tonight. I do believe it is the most endearing thing you can witness.